What to Think Vs. How to Think?

It has always been that I use to many "complex" words, or my thoughts are really opinionated when I write an essay, but this just made me laugh. Every other week we write essays on what ever we want called 2Fers. So the first week was pretty interesting. I wrote on the topic of high school students, Junior Year, Etc. I took two days to write it, and I got a really good reception back from fellow classmates. I received an 80%... Now this week's 2Fer I wrote in 2 hours. I read one article, and basically reflected on it. Funny enough I received a %92 percent! I wrote and thought so much more leniently than I had ever before, life is funny.

Teachers comment for the first 2Fer.

Teacher Feedback: I can tell that this is a very personal topic/idea for you. I want to thank you for writing about it. What struck me about your piece is that even as a Junior in HS, you have a clarity on this topic that is far beyond your years. Additionally, I would like to see the same clarity in communicating your ideas: stating a thesis, making clear arguments and developing your talking points.

Here is a Paragraph from the First Essay

Children, primarily the United Students learn most of their social skills at home before entering any type of institution of education. Their goals and dreams can be inspired by their parents, environment, etc all at a young age. Is it critical in this time at home that children travel down the pre-paved road to life? According to a study done by the National Council for the Social Studies done in 1998, kindergartners learn how to interpret rules and regulation so they can abide to law in society. Early childhood education is imperative to the human beings success. But is an education mandated and controlled by one perception better than experiencing life itself? From their first education experienced children are taught to believe what the teacher believes and nothing else, and yet school is supposed to help us prepare for leading the world. Knowledge is the number one goal of a child’s elementary years. Being able to love it , retain it, and know it is why children learn about Columbus's epic tale to the Indies. The mind is so powerful that a high school student wouldn’t even noticed a subconscious trait that they had learned in elementary school. Many people around the world expect that young children would know nothing about anything, from pre-school all the way to senior in high school. It is when someone gets a degree or is validated by some other form merit, they become a contributing member of society.

Teachers comment for the second 2Fer...

Teacher Feedback:
Winston, this is a definite improvement over your last 2fer, you have been working hard, and it shows. There is still a little bit of “Winston’s opinion” in this paper, but your sources were used well and were great. We can work a little bit on getting more of your personality into your writing, but you are on the right track.

Here is a Paragraph from the Second Essay

Born in AbidJan, Côte d’Ivorié , Didier Drogba has been one of the best strikers playing soccer for awhile now. At thirty-three years old he has had played for clubs Olympique de Marseille, Chelsea, and the Côte d’Ivorié national team. He has been named the African Player of the Decade (2000-2010), and has been put on time magazines “100 most influential people of 2010 list.” As a child he spent a very short time in his home of native West Africa, and moved to France with his uncle at a young age. He began playing soccer in his teenage years, eventually coming to be the man he is today. The political problems in his native Ivory Coast, have spawned all out wars between different groups, and with political unrest comes violence. Most of the problems in Côte d’ivorié can all be tracked to the early 2000’s when a president who supported Northern Muslims, and discriminated against Southern African Christians who make a majority of the country. Abidjan, the largest city in the country has been the center of the Second Ivorian Civil War. Drogba has been a representative for the Ivorian people ever since he started playing soccer, it is now that he is asking his fellow Ivorian to stop the violence for the sake of the countries future. Drogba is a symbol of pride and peace for the country and although not all Ivorians will agree with him, they’ll certainly listen to him. The pride of the Ivory Coast that Drogba displays every time he steps on the pitch, represents all of the Ivorian people, and their love for their nation and the sport of soccer.